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Thursday, June 29, 2017

i WOODY not, if i were u

Don't mind me. Just finished S1 of the fabulous Grace & Frankie on Netflix. 

RV life is kind of a Virginia Woolf's A Room of One's Own kind of writerly dream for me. 

We rented our first RV for our first trip to b o n n a r o o. We wanted AC, a potty, a shower, and a fridge. We got a fridge. 

The crew from Woody RV Rentals LLC. in Georgetown / Hutto delivered the Voyage Winnebago to my mother's house not in the same condition of their website's YouTube video. "She" (as the delivery men referred to the vehicle) {can I insert gag noises} arrived weathered. 

 
 
So, not that! ^^^

Like it had cigarette burns in the carpet!

Anyhoo. On y va.
 
PSA: Please, friends, DO NOT rent from Woody RV Rentals LLC's without checking out their property first. 

 

After carefully covering every inch of interior cloth with Lysol, Clorox wipes, and my mother's sheets, the five of us set off on this fantastic voyage from Ktown to the infamous Roo. 

About three minutes into the trip we realized that the rear AC unit was blowing out hot air. 

Yep. That happened. 

Then the cup holder / engine cover blew off inciting Farmer Guy to fear filled cursing. 

Then we stopped for an overnight sweltering stay in Hope, Arkansas at the Wal-Mart. We had to purchase a box fan and bug spray for a noticeably growing ant infestation. 

IKR? Interesting an ant infestation in an RV that had not been rented according to Woody's in over six months. Things that make you go hmmmm.

There was this faint odor settling. It became more and more less faint as the heat from the generator continued climbing toward Hell temperatures, but more about that in bit. 

And it WILL be addressed. In the words of Big Freedia....I didn't come to play with you hoes, I came to slay..." 

But later!!!

Because well... BONNAROO!!! Happy Roo! High five to you! Happy Roo! And high five to you!!!

Hands down Manchester, Tennessee during Bonnaroo, not Disney, is the happiest place on Earth. Well, maybe not Disney during the holiday season... it's a toss-up or maybe meme chose???

We arrived after midnight, the kids immediately scurried away to behold Kevin Abstract. Farmer Guy and I adjusted to this interesting landscape--- a sea of tents   enveloped by mountains of RVs sprinkled in starlight. 

And...

After a hard night sleep with that ever growing smell, I showered. It was fabulous and it was my last. The whole shower ---door, knob, spigot, and all crumbled shortly after that. I think all passengers got at least one shower.

But, nonetheless, Friday was epic. Big Freedia EPIC! TWERK IT OUT! Interesting side note, I thought I was like almost a demi twerk goddess after one lesson. I thought the media was kinda swarming me with my expert twerking skills, but, alas, I was bouncing next to LoLo Jones, Olympiad. That kind of epic. The day a full moon collided with Kaleo, Russ, Preservation Hall Jazz Band and, and, and U2. Yes, I did shed a tear. 

Big Freedia AND Bono in one day. On What stage in This tent. {Bonnaroovian inside joke} because at this point I claim citizenship - at least honorary. 

That was only Friday, and the smells inside of our traveling atopia became increasingly worse as we added to this problem sans proper shower avec mosh pit life. I even contemplated free showers bestowed by that one guy, but the fungal you know, is better than the... Nvm. 

Maybe one day, I can really blog about Bonnaroo EVERYTHING EVERYTHING (great YA, BTW), but this is a trash blog about Woody's in attempt to lovingly warn any person with children, or elderly travelers, hell any traveler with lungs to consider deeply before dealing with this company. 

This is my very first time writing a bad public review of an establishment. I might be doing it allll wrong. 
 
PSA: Please, friends, DO NOT rent from Woody RV Rentals LLC's without checking out their property first. 

 

On Woody RV Rentals LLC: They are trash. Which I think is a rather harsh term that the kids are using, but quite applicable in this scenario. 

Yep! The smell was the septic system, not properly filtering in the proper way spilling black water and waste right onto the great farms of Tennessee in the midst of 60K happy campers!

While we squeamishly waited, Farmer Guy now aka Hero Guy had to fix reconnect or whatever, with his own gloved hands apparently just in time for us all not to die of toxic shock (maybe not TSS, but toxic inhalation) in Manchester Heaven. 

Also thanks to the Bonnaroo logisticians for having an uhmazing line up like Chance the Rapper, Flume, Travis Scott, Lorde, The Weeknd, E.T.C. We didn't spend a whole lot of time in that possibly hazardous Voyage Winnebago, that maybe will now be retired. I repeat out of love, for them and for you ---their VOYAGE WINNEBAGO is trash. 

"Are you ready for your miracle????" Thank you, Chance. 

That Monday, with the Voyage engine light on, we left our magical memories in Manchester with inside RV sweltering temps streaming about 92 degrees for our 14 hour drive home. 

Yasss! Our skin looked flawless when we landed in Texas to receive our whopping one day rental discount for our over TWO THOUSAND dollar rental from Woody's. Oh, and a free first day of our very next rental!!! And Woody's doesn't do one day rentals. Okay???

About 2h's off of 2g's???

Okay, again. Ant Infestation!!??!!

"I didn't come to play with these hoes, I came to slay..."

PSA: Please, friends, DO NOT rent from Woody RV Rentals LLC's without checking out their property first. 

Don't mind me if I'm over here over sharing this announcement with the desire of saving someone's vacation. 

Because A: Not everyone's septic saver will be hooping to Red Hot Chili Peppers under a sparkly firework filled sky. 

And B: I'm from the 254--- I can show you better than I can tell you. Y'all wanna see photos???

#saveavacay
 
PSA: Please, friends, DO NOT rent from Woody RV Rentals LLC's without checking out their property first. 

 

l o v e