Last October, I don't remember.
This year, each ribbon follows me and leaves pink traces behind my eyelids. This year- the year of biopsies, the year of lumpectomy, the year my mother had a mastectomy.
Adrea is in the habit of sending by post (that in itself is fabulous). Sometimes the treats from my partner breathe through their packaging, forcing my children to rattle the contents. That time they were pictureless word cards. Each card presented one of the words we claim on post sized cards, business sized cards, or itty bitty cards. They were gorgeous. I traveled with them half across the state to share with my mother during the post chemo / pre surgery / pre radiation hospital moments.
Mom twisted them around and palmed them. I saw fear vanishing from her. When the anesthesiologist entered, he began to share the process. First, we will do this, then that, the important thing is to clear your mind.
"We have words for that, Mom, from the 'nothing' series."
The doctor was intrigued. I shared p i c t u r e l e s s with him- Clear Clouds, Memory Music, Invisible Icicles. He deemed them appropriate and darling. He modified my mother's instructions to a p i c t u r e l e s s place.
In a childlike voice my mother asked for surgical tape. When he returned she began praying and taping positive word cards on her body. Then, my fear vanished. This is l i f e and life is b e a u t i f u l.
Each hospital employee, visitor, and friend that witnessed that moment became instantly radiant. The words connected us, protected us, and let us breathe through those moments one moment at a time.
It's all pink again!